Why's your EX, your EX?

Have you started dating someone new, but can’t help but compare them to your ex? 

Whether its the good or the bad. 

'He's not the same',  'he's not as funny’, ‘she’s got a jealous streak’, ‘he’s probably a cheater like them all’, ‘she doesn’t fit in with my family’. 'She can't cook' etc Not only does this hurt your chances of finding a trustworthy satisfying,  loving relationship, but it also hurts your potential other. 

WHY IS YOUR EX YOUR EX? 

There were probably moments that proved the person you were dating wasn’t your be-all and end-all — but you just didn’t want to see them. Having the mentality of most.- 'oh I'll change him or even he'll change for me.'

What's needed here is to try to objectively think about the relationship you had with your ex and be honest with yourself! Was it all u ever wanted? What were the reasons for the break-up? 

WHY YOU STILL TALKING TO HIM? 

If you’re actually friends with your ex, this will be hard to do, but it’s necessary, at least for a little while, to cut off all contact with him and clear your head, if you can’t stop yourself from making comparisons. There should be no calling, texting, or social media interaction between the two of you. Out of sight, out of mind, so they say. Make steps and then you will soon see progression. If you need help, ask some friends or family members to support you and rein you in when you feel like you’re about to cave and do something stupid! 

TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN

Instead of looking for similarities they have with your ex, make an effort to explore and discover the interests and traits that make them stand out (e.g., “I’ve never met someone who’s so into cars, What drew you to that?” or “I’m not that really into ‘Orange is the new black’, but tell me more about why you like it and what I might not be getting about it.”). This is supposed to be one of the most fun parts of dating, and you’re going to miss out because you can’t get your mind off old news.

LETS GO BACK TO BASICS

You may already have a tendency to compare the people you’re dating to your ex, but not taking the time to fully get over them will only make it worse. Give yourself a couple of weeks, months, or whatever you need to reflect on what went wrong, clear your head, focus on yourself, and move on. You deserve a clean slate, and so does anyone new coming into your life.

ARE YOU JUDGING ME? 

It’s only natural to judge people and usually we form an opinion before we’ve really get to know them, but do your best to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Getting to know them on their own merit of what they them-self have shown you.  Block out thoughts like “Crap, he holds his fork just like Leon did. He’s gotta be a compulsive liar, too.” Or, “Oh no, she collects nail vanishes, shoes, and things just like Jessica did. I’m a sucker for funny girls.” 'What star sign are you again?' 

For now, your job is to ask them questions and figure out what kind of person they are, not how much they have in common with your ex.

ARE YOU PERFECT THOUGH? 

Expecting someone to be everything you want and need in life is a lot of pressure to put on a person, especially if you don’t know them. And you'll only be let down! 

Imagine how you would feel if the person you’re dating kept comparing you to her or his former boyfriend or girlfriend. It probably wouldnt feel great, right? It’s worth putting yourself in their shoes once in a while, which will help you see thing realistically and help you to be more understanding.

Getting over an ex can be one of the most difficult things to do in life, particularly if it was a long relationship and/or one of your most meaningful. You may not believe it now, but you will find someone who makes you feel that way again. But the only way you’re going to do that is if you take time for yourself and give your new dates a chance with no baggage attached. 

All subjects I speak about will soon be followed by a vlog, getting a number of different people involved to see a wide range of thoughts and feelings on all of these interesting topics.

signed 

Jaydsworld