People love to scream out 'real gang' but what really makes friendships last?

What makes friendships last?

And what's the best definition of a good friend? 

You might be a terrible friend and not even realize it. That should scare you. Really! 

Ask yourself whether or not you know how to be a good friend?

Sometimes our actions and the words that exit our mouth can stop going through a filter. Then eventually we’re not even conscious of how horrible we are as a person, friend or a lover. 

We get so used to our friends that we become insensitive to the things we say and do. 

That level of comfortability can be a good thing, shows closeness and realness and we know people love to scream out 'real gang' but does being part of the real gang mean it's okay to hurt someone else's feelings regardless? The way you act starts to become a reflection of the person you really are, that's why so many times people say you hurt the people you love the most. Sorry I disagree love involves so many different things and analysing your friends to determined how best to deal with a situation is one of them. Being close to your friends should not desensitise the way you treat them.

I've stated a few things below that you may want to think about.  Things you should be conscious of. 

Signs You Might Be a Bad Friend

You start criticizing or blaming them for everything.

You feel like nothing is your fault and you’re always right. Everything wrong is because of them. Then you start letting them know, even non-verbally, how you feel about the situation. This is how you will lose friends.

You only spend time with them when you need something.

When you reach for the phone it’s never to see how they’re doing or to get together and have fun. There is always a reason to call or text. It becomes so regular that every time you call or text, their response is “What do you need?” If that’s a common response you get from multiple people then you’ve got a clear warning sign.

You disregard all responsibility, leaving them to handle it all.

When there’s work to be done or responsibilities that should be divided you just sort of sit in the back and relax. Teamwork goes out the door because you’d rather be doing something else (or nothing) than to help out. What’s worse is when you walk away when the going gets tough. Soon enough, you’ll be the one your friends will be disregarding in a more literal sense.

You never think about how they may feel.

Your words can hurt like knives and you might not even know it (or even care,) because you have a disregard for how they may feel. You don’t stop to wonder how your decisions, actions, and words may affect what your friends. Sometimes it’s the lack of action that hurts them most. So many things to be mindful of! 

You have the need to “one-up” them.

Although this doesn’t always mean you’re a bad friend, it shows some flaws in character on your part. You could begin to wear down the friendship if the other person feels like you constantly show off or downplay their accomplishments. People have enough insecurities and self-esteem issues as it is. Don’t make them feel the same way around their own friends.

You project your own negative qualities onto them.

After a while you start assuming that because you think a certain way, your friends and others do too. For example, if you’re prone to talking about others behind their back then you’d assume everyone else does the same. Eventually, you begin to blame others and talk about how they went and did something even though they never did. This gets annoying and yes, your friends do notice this.

You don’t listen to what they have to say.

Their opinions mean nothing to you and it’s usually drowned out by your own stories. You fight for time to speak and when they are talking you’re usually tapping your feet impatiently for your turn to talk. Oh and they know when you’re pretending to listen. Tossing in a question to make it seem like you care is insincere. What’s worse is when you ask them something only to interrupt them so you can start talking.

You never stick to your word.

Come on. If you say you’ll do something, don’t go back on your word. Punctuality goes into this too. Don’t be the person who is consistently an hour later than promised.

How to Be a Good Friend

Make sure they’re okay the moment you sense something wrong.

It’s easy to go overboard, but when tactful it can mean the world to them when you show you’re concerned. Send them a text, a phone call. Make an excuse to spend time with them. This doesn’t mean you have to shove advice down their throat. It just means showing you want them to be okay.

Some people are very good at hiding their negative emotions. I used to put on a brave face when I was going through rough times. It sucked but having good friends around who knew when I wasn’t really okay helped a lot.

Know when to be serious and when to be a clown.

When it’s time to be serious, you get down to business. No clowning around. No cheap attempt at being funny to avoid the real issues. You may argue from time to time and that’s alright. It’s natural. Be mature and aim at finding common ground instead of trying to divert the attention elsewhere.

There are times to be fooling around, but it gets tiring for others if you don’t know how or when to turn it off. If you can’t then how can others trust you enough to share important things with you?

Go the extra mile when they ask for help. Take time to try and understand even if it seems so far fetched to u. 

When they ask for your opinion or help on something that means something. It means they value what you think. If someone hands you an essay asking for you to help proofread or revise it then go the extra mile. Bust out a red pen and start marking it up like crazy. Show them you’re as interested as they are.

This means never do things half-heartedly. when it comes to your friends be whole souled. 

 It’s a committed relationship and it's horrible when the other person doesn’t put in effort to help when needed.

Make them feel wanted.

This means you listen to everything they say. You show you like being around them. sometimes even say it outright. “You’re an amazing friend,” “It’s not as fun when you’re not there,” or “I like hanging out with you, you know?” You should be comfortable enough to be straight about it without feeling weird.

Tell them, “I’ve always got your back,” at least once

Remind them that you’re friends for life by making sure they know you’ll always be there. This means keeping in touch or being there to cheer them up when they’ve got it rough.

If you’ve never told your closest friends this then make sure you do next time your friends tell you about a problem they’re hung up on.

Understand and respect boundaries.

Know that you don’t have to be together 24/7. I need my space to get my head together from day to day struggles and I don’t always feel like hanging out with others. That doesn’t mean I don’t like them. Good friends aren’t selfish and don’t get upset because of an occasional “no.” In fact, good friends know how to pick up right where they left off no matter how long it’s been since they last saw each other.

Be honest and constructive when needed.

There’s a difference between being conscious of their feelings and letting them ruin themselves in the long-run. If they’ve developed a bad habit then kindly point it out and show you’re concerned. They’re picking up smoking? You care about their lungs. Drinking too much? Let them know you’ve noticed.

For less serious examples, imagine their breath stinks and they’re going on a date. Do you want them to end up hurting later or would you rather let them suffer an ego hit, and fix the problem,  getting out there in full confidence? If you feel like criticisms are harsh, offer them tips on how to improve.

Jump to the rescue when asked.

We all get in unexpected trouble and it’s good to know people who would jump to your rescue. Isn't good to know you have a circle of friends you can rely on . If u have to second guess your 'friends' in situations like this then quite frankly there not your friends . (Sorry to say) 

Be dependable

When you say you’ll do something, be a person that sticks to your word. That means being punctual, not going back on your promises, and ensuring that you’re viewed as a reliable friend.

Being unreliable will make your friends think twice before asking you for something.

Know how to show you’re happy for them.

We all get too caught up in our own lives and forget how to show appreciation. We know we care, but it’s difficult for the other person to know you do if you don’t show it.

It’s easy to tell when someone is dishonest. Especially with the amount of time ur taken to get to know their personality it becomes easier to start to see the truth behind the face. But be different, Be invested in their successes and let it show in your facial expressions that you really do care about their improvements.

Start saying yes more often to your friends and make time for them.

It’s not a good feeling to be turned down by your friends. Sometimes life gets in the way and that’s okay. After all, remember the point about boundaries. However, I know how easy it is to say no. It’s just so easy when you’re “not feeling it.” Or you need sleep cause ur day to day life is so tiring but make time! Make a point to say yes more often to your friends when you can.

Learn how to apologize.

It takes a lot to admit you did something wrong. Don’t be afraid of admitting to your friends that you messed up. It happens to the best of us. Someone who can swallow his or her pride and admit they’re in the wrong is a great friend.

Don't have to much pride, cause u know what they say pride comes before fall! 

Know how to apologize? 

Keep in touch and make sure you don’t drift apart.

Life goes on and everyone has their own thing to do. Sure, picking up where you left off may be easy for you, but it’s just as easy to completely lose contact. It takes effort. It’s a relationship that takes both sides to work.

These are just a few qualities a friend needs, who said being a good friend would be easy but by taking time and interest in your friendships your friends will eventually become your family.

All subjects i speak about will soon be followed by a vlog, getting a number of different people involved to see a wide range of thoughts and feelings on all of these interesting topics.

Signed

Jaydsworld